Am I dying?

Well, let's see. I hope that part of me is. Do you remember when I wrote this:

"Maybe I am supposed to get the message that I am supposed to die. I don't mean my body, though I have felt sad enough recently to wish it so. I posted those thoughts briefly on my old blog. Took them off right away. I mean literally a minute didn't elapse before I removed it. Didn't really want anyone to worry about me.

No, I think my "self" needs to die. My insistent self. My ego, in other words. Did you know that is one of the hardest things to kill? One of the hardest things to let go of? One of the hardest things to surrender? I wonder if I can do it? I feel like I have been trying for years. Have not had success yet. How long will it take? It is not going without a fight. I believe I will not have true peace until I do. Until I release myself from self.

Is writing about myself, self-centered? Should I stop writing? Stop blogging? How do I stop thinking about myself yet take care of myself? These are all rhetorical questions. I am not asking for answers from anyone, though comments are welcome. Just don't feel like you have to respond just because I am asking questions. They are things I ponder. Maybe you do, too.

If I think about it, I am actually sick and tired of my self. It is depressing. Self consumes too much of my time and energy. Unproductive use of time and energy. Gonna keep trying to replace it with thoughtfulness of others.

Well, wish me luck!"

Guess what! I was on the right track with those thoughts except for the fact that they were thoughts. I was right that my ego had to die. I didn't know how to "kill it". But recently I figured out the secret. To be free of the ego just takes being aware of when ego is in control. Realizing or recognizing that I am not my thoughts.
Eckhart Tolle, author of "A New Earth" says in a skype class with 700,000 people across the planet including Oprah:
reach a place within yourself that is unconditioned, the formless consciousness
there is a passage that says, "Be Still and know that I am God" it is from the Old Testament and contains the entire wisdom of religion

be still = go to that place where the mind is no longer operating, where you are just conscious w/o thinking; and that is the level where the eternal resides. The eternal, the formless, the spirit, is the essence of every human being, no matter how insane or conflict ridden they may seem to appear on the surface, within every human being that remains untouched, there is nothing that anyone could have done to you or nothing that you could have done to others to destroy that, and that is the grace of being here and no matter how much madness there has been in your life that (your essence) remains untouched, so it's getting in touch with that deepest place within and you can only do that by becoming still.

He said something else that speaks to me...Oprah asked him if he didn't come up with the idea of the ego and consciousness stuff that he talks about when he was about to take his own life and he said yes, and that that is what it takes for some people before they are able to awaken. He said his ego was so obstinate and he was in so much pain (this is where I was) that he got to a place where he said to himself that he could not live with himself and it occurred to him that if there was an "I" and a "myself" that there had to be two of him. So the "I" is his essence and the "myself" is his ego.

Wow this is fascinating! If you want to see the talk even without having read the book go to Oprah.com and look for bookclubs and click on A New Earth and then you'll see what to do next.

This is such good stuff. I feel so much more at peace than with any other self-help book I have ever read. Great read in my opinion. Perfect for me anyway. Maybe you, too.

And I would write more except my form needs rest. Later!