Higher Nature vs. Lower Nature

OK, I haven't done one of these profound blogs in a while, but I have had lots of thoughts running around in my ehad (that's typo for head) since last night and I gotta write em down.

This is sort of about service to others and sort of about ego. Let's see....

I was in a meeting last night where some of the consultation turned into slamming an individual or two or three. Finally one person in the meeting spoke up and said they were not comfortable with the way we were talking and I had to agree with this person and I immediately felt ashamed that I had allowed myself to speak so condescendingly of another even if I did feel I had reason to complain. But that whole incident got me to thinking and thinking and thinking and I was lucky to be able to go to sleep last night for all of my thoughts.

And now that I have had a whole day of other tasks to distract my mind from my thoughts I don't know if I can get em all back but I will try.

I came up with a question I can ask myself, anyone can ask themselves, when I next offer to do a service for someone. Do I want to serve or do I want recognition? Here is what I think happens. I (my higher/spiritual nature) want to serve, but my lower nature/ego/insistent self wants recognition. Such a dilemma until you realize which nature you want to rule in your life. I want my higher nature to rule. My ego has other ideas.

Back to the question: Do I want to serve or do I want recognition? One is for God, the other is for self. Should I do things for God or for my self? I think you know where I am going with this.

Anyway, there are signs you can look for to determine if self is acting or if spirit is acting.
Finding faults in others---self or spirit?---you guessed it! And I put this one first because it is so easy to go through this list below and see someone else when you come across the negative ones rather than seeing yourself.
Jealousy--
Patience--
"My way or the highway" type thinking--
Consultation--
Love--
Putting oneself in the other person's shoes--
Anger--
Hurt feelings-- (is this one tricky?)--the answer is self or ego.
Consideration--
Kindness--
Insisting on one's own opinion--
Gratitude--
Focusing on another person's strengths--

I think you get what I am getting at. Anyway, the self/ego must consistently be monitored. It is so strong, determined , persistent, insistent and sneaky!

Here is a prayer one can say before taking on a task of any kind:

O God! Make me a hollow reed, from which the pith of self hath been blown, that I may become a clear channel through which Thy love may flow to others.

The "Hollow Reed" prayer often attributed to 'Abdu'l-Bahá is an excerpt from a longer prayer actually written by George Townshend.

(The Universal House of Justice, 1992 Sept 27, Authenticity of Some Well-known Prayers)


and another little but powerful one:

O God, guide me, protect me, make of me a shining lamp and a brilliant star. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.

- 'Abdu'l-Bahá

Have you ever heard this phrase: "Check your ego at the door!" I don't know where it is from. Does anyone out there know? Maybe I made it up.

Oh, also while you are visiting my blog, check out the newest one I am following, by my Aunt Anne. It should be in the list at the right.

Thanks for reading! Oh, and for your own blog to be at the top of the list you have to update it frequently. Most recent posts get put at the top. I don't have control over that.

Random pictures of cool to weird to whacky things

I am currently trying to help Mom add a gadget of a blog list to her page. I think I was successful.

I am so full. I had leftover fried okra, then later a Breyers fruit popsicle, then some veggies provided by me but cooked by my neighbor, then some chocolate cookies and then an old stale cinnamon bagel Chase left here. My eating habits usually improve when the guys are here to cook for.

Today was my first day on the note taking job at AB Tech. I like the biology class teacher, but I am not sure about the WEB class. I like the teacher ok, but I don't know about taking notes on a subject I don't grasp at all. I feel like I already know, though, that I don't want to be a web designer, because it deals with codes, not really making art. I would just like to manipulate a media, not write in a secret language. So, I have learned one thing on the first day of school. Yay!

I need a person to download pictures from my camera for me so that I have easy access to them to post when I want them. This is the hardest part for me in doing this computer blogging stuff.

Big day ahead of me tomorrow and as usual, by the time I get around to writing on here I am too tired to really write anything. Oh well. I'll try again later.

All I got done tonight, after taking some dishes to the neighbor and her inviting me to eat dinner (leftover spaghetti, yum) and then going out to pick up a vacuum cleaner to exchange for my employer for her fixed one tomorrow on the way to EarthFare tonight to get some dessert for myself and my neighbor, was changing my blog list on here to look like Tag's and Mary's. Mom, you have to go to dashboard and design and settings I think and click on add a gadget or something like that and then look for "My blog List". But you have to add them by entering their URL. Took some time to pull up the various blogs so I could copy and past the URLS. Now I'm too tired to write the blog post.

Goodnight. Full day tomorrow.

When you feel disturbed...

I found this quote that I copied from something I was reading once, but I didn't write down the source. But I want to throw away this piece of paper also, so I am posting here to save for future reference should I ever get around to re-reading my blog, which I do occasionally do.

"When you feel disturbed in any way, let that feeling be. Don't hold onto it. Don't use it to get your way. It will naturally pass on its own into peace if you let it go. Do not resist it. And definitely do not identify it as the way you truly feel, as the only reasonable or right way to feel, or as a necessary way to feel." source forgotten

Mary just called me as I was typing this to tell me that Mom is having some arrhythmias and Dad is taking her to the ER. I shall go and say some prayers for her.

Cleaning up

I am going through a ton of paper that I have needed to sort for quite a while and I have been hanging on to this one particular piece of paper, but now, if I write the stuff down here I can throw it away. It is a rap that Chase and I wrote a few years ago. For some reason we decided that we would not watch our movie until we had written a rap. I don't remember now why we decided that. But here it is:

We got to write this silly rap
Or the movie we want to watch ain't hap-
enin' tonight
or any other night
so here is our groove
it's outa sight

Our homeboy Hunter ate all the treats
(the good ones anyway)
and that ain't sweet

So we headed out to Ingles
to get some mo
Found some sandwiches
and they were good to go

Ice cream sammiches are pretty good
But Rocky Road Ice Cream is the best in the hood

Now that we've done the best rap that we could
We'll start the movie and it better be good!

Now I can get back to my cleaning. I have a new room!

Friends and chocolate

Visited with Luella today for an hour or two. That was nice. Her floors are so shiny!

Tonight I met Cindy in downtown Asheville. We walked around the new park in front of the city buildings. Very nice place! I'll have to take my camera next time (when I know I'll be going). Would be a nice place to take Tag's family when they come, though I think the kids have been there and played in Splashville (get it?) with Mary's kids already. It was nice at night. Splashville closed at 9 and we didn't get there till after 9 so I missed that. But now that I know it is a well lit place and has plenty of nighttime activity I will go there again just to walk and enjoy the ambiance. Tuesday night is a great time to go.

Then Cindy treated me to a dessert at the French Broad chocolate lounge while we caught up on each other's lives a bit. I got my usual, the quintessential chocolate cake, even though the last time I was there was probably a year ago at Sherry's 50th birthday. MMMmmmm, another place to take our family (or at least Cris). Let's put it on the list!

Let's see, shall we also go to see the elk? How about Joyce Kilmer forest? I hope we can do those things when I am not working.

I should get to bed. It is nearly 1 a.m. Goodnight!

Kiddos

Aren't they just angelic?Hmmm, maybe apelike is more accurate

Who you gonna call? The books are all gone!

Yes, I agree the captions are corny. But the kids are cute and I wanted to show you what I did to occupy the little kiddos while Cris looked for CDs at the library in Phoenix. It was this (they actually like to pose for pictures, whaddya know?) or have them fussing and complaining and clinging, etc.

A Day in the Life

Today I am washing clothes, scrubbing a bathroom (the guys, not mine) and waiting for a contractor to come and check out the moldy spot on the ceiling in the master bath which the guys use. It looks like a pipe is leaking a little between my unit and the one above me. I wonder if the guys have noticed that spot and just haven't mentioned it to me. I was in there getting towels to wash and saw how yukky the toilet looked and then the shower stall all black and pink, and for some reason I looked up at the nine foot ceiling and noticed the mold.

So, since someone is coming over to check the bathroom I have to clean it or be mortally embarrassed. I have soaked and scrubbed the shower curtain in several cleaners and it has improved, but I don't think it will ever be white again.

I have several jobs I need to do today and this was not one that was on my list. But thankfully, I am not having to be anywhere today so I can hang out here and do some stuff and wait.

I am planning to get together with a friend and her daughter for lunch if the contractors get in and out in time. We'll see.

One thing I would like to do is put some new plants out on my patio since the pansies have all succumbed to heat exposure. But I really can't justify buying flowers right now with money being so tight.

Oh, that reminds me, that one of the things on my list is to talk with an adviser at UNC-A and/or AB-Tech about schooling options. I did not have a good experience doing school and work at the same time, so I am not inclined to want to delve back into that. I know some people can do it, but I have a hard time with it with all my other responsibilities, too. And I'm not going to feel guilty for it. I know my limitations and others don't.

I reckon I'll get dressed and run to the banks so I can be back by 1 when I am expecting the contractors to call.

Prisoners

It's easy to love and like people who are like you. It is not as easy to love and like people who are different. So, if we love someone who is different, isn't that a greater love than loving someone who is like us?

Is loving people who are like us really all that admirable? It is doing the difficult things that are admirable. Loving someone who loves you and always treats you nicely and fairly is so easy, loving someone who makes your life challenging is not usually easy.

Since this seems to be the case with so many people I wonder if we really do know what love is.

Isn't love seeing God in everyone? God created us all from the same dust.

And what about serving others? Should we only serve people and help people that we really like? Or should we serve anyone and everyone, even our enemies or people who wish us harm?

Here's a true story for you about a man named 'Abdu'l-Baha, also known as The Master:
When the Master came to Akka (as a prisoner) there lived there a certain man from Afghanistan, an austere and rigid Musselman. To him the Master was a heretic. He felt and nourished a great enmity towards the Master, and roused up others against him. When opportunity offered in gatherings of the people, as in the Mosque, he denounced him with bitter words.
"This man," he said to all, is an imposter. Why do you speak to him? Why do you have dealings with him?" And when he passed the Master on the street he was careful to hold his robe before his face that his sight might not be defiled.
Thus did this Afghan. The Master, however, did thus: The Afghan was poor and lived in a Mosque, he was frequently in need of food and clothing. The Master sent him both. These he accepted, but without thanks. He fell sick. The Master took him a physician, food, medicine, money. These also he accepted, but as he held out one hand that the physician might take his pulse, with the other he held his cloak before his face that he might not look upon the Master. For twenty-four years the Master continued his kindnesses and the Afghan persisted in his enmity. Then at last one day the Afghan came to the Master's door, and fell down, penitent and weeping, at his feet.
"Forgive me, sir!" he cried. "For twenty-four years I have done evil to you, for twenty-four years you have done good to me. Now I know that I have been in the wrong."
The Master bade him rise and they became friends.

'Abdu'l-Baha, though a prisoner for forty years, was certainly not a prisoner of self. My goal, however far away it might be, is to free myself from the prison of self.

If it was easy, though, it wouldn't be admirable. And once freed from the prison of self I won't need or want admiration anyway. Interesting paradox there.

I would like to leave this blog in honor of the 7 Baha'i prisoners in Iran who, after being imprisoned for over two years now, arrested on false charges, are awaiting a verdict that could change or even end their lives.

God bless them and you!

Unusual

Unusual event: a young guy complemented me on my goddess earrings today, said he liked them.

Unusual feeling: loneliness coming home today

Unusual dinner: frozen pizza with eggplant and no cheese

Unusual blog

This has been one interesting year so far. It started off with me having very little work, so I decided to enroll in school. Then, Murphy's Law kicked in and next thing you know people are calling me all over the place to work for them, and my siblings and I have just a few months to plan a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents. All this now that I need to have time for classes and homework. But things have eased up a tad bit in that area recently and hopefully my schedule will smooth out here shortly.

Note to self. Cancel the doctor appt with the person who wants to take out my thryoid. Eat more kelp.

I don't know what else to say, so I won't say anything. Boring.

Is this really my first post this year?

All Growed Up!

Chase was in a one act play tonight. And last night. And will be tomorrow night. He had a lot of lines to learn and he learned 'em well! I am very proud of him. And actually proud of Hunter for rehearsing lines with him. What a great brother! I want to videotape him tomorrow night, but then, it's just not the same on video. And I don't have a tripod. But it would be a cool thing to show to his children one day.

But on another note, it was awesome to watch other kids in the plays, too. Several that I knew when they were much younger, some when they were just babies. Some of the kids we knew from our homeschooling days (the director of Chase's play for one), some from our days at Evergreen Community Charter School (one actor, one stage manager). Two of them almost as tall as Chase. One was the little brother of a classmate and soccer teammate of Evan's. One, the one I remember as a nursing baby, is also the son of one of the people I worked for last year and Lee knows from all of the Father Kid Camping Days. The world feels so small at times.

It's really strange to think about how my youngest child is 18 when I think about who I was and what I was doing when I was 18. I turned 18 when I was a Freshman at Appalachian State. I was in a play my senior year of high school, but had nowhere near the lines Chase did tonight. The classmate of mine who played the lead in my play "Stage Door" (Chase's one act tonight was called "The Open Door"....funny) has done TV shows and is still doing TV shows. Some of these kids we saw tonight might wind up on the TV or movie screen someday, who knows?

So, let's see.....thirty years from now will Chase be watching one of his children on the stage? Will I be watching one on stage? I wonder just how different the world will be in thirty more years. I'll be 78 if I'm still alive. Most likely, my parents who were there tonight, won't be there. That's another strange thought. To imagine a time when my parents won't be around anymore. I will sure miss them. But I'm not going to go there right now. Too sad a thought.

On a much happier note, my parents will celebrate their 50th wedding Anniversary next month. Yay for them!