Out of touch

I'm sorry to be so out of touch with everyone recently. I am reading a great book that Hunter checked out of the AB-Tech library called "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert world." I have also been reading a book someone lent me called "Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You" .


Does anyone remember me writing a post one time about being self-centered or self-absorbed and how I wanted to try to change that? Well, according to this book about Introverts that is really a trait of introverts. A trait that is not necessarily bad. Here is what the author, Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D, says: "Let's now take aim at two of the most common charges lobbed at introverts--that they are self-centered and unsociable. It's easy to see why introverts can appear self-absorbed or uninterested, because we shut down external stimulation when we have had enough. Why? We need to compare external experiences to our own internal experience, attempting to understand new information. We think "How did that experience affect me?"
Rather than being self-centered, introverts are often really the opposite. Our ability to focus on our internal world and reflect on what we are feeling and experiencing allows us to understand the external world and other human beings better. What appears to be self-centeredness is actually the vary talent that provides the capacity to understand what it's like to put ourselves in someone else's shoes."

This was very affirming to hear for me. I have felt guilty for too long for being what I have considered to be self-absorbed or self-centered. It is nice to hear that in this case this trait is not "selfish".

Another interesting thing, an analogy, is that only about 25% of the population is introverted. One doctor quoted in the book said that the introverts are like the advisor class and the extroverts are like the warrior class (the doers). The warriors need counsel from the advisors, and the advisors need warriors to take action and make things happen. (there is much more to this than I am including here)

They later say that introverts often feel unheard or unseen. I think this is because an extrovert will run with the idea of an introvert and because of their nature of getting attention the idea will get noticed more. I totally identified with that.

The book is written for introverts to understand themselves and recognize they are OK being the way they are and that there are positive aspects to being introverted. But the author recommends that extroverts read the book as well, to help them understand the minority population and what they have to deal with living in an extroverted world. If you are extroverted you might well be saying "Give me a BREAK!" but that is exactly why you should read this and try to understand a little better.

Anyway, as has been mentioned by someone in the family already (Bonnie or Tag) when this was brought up before, there is a continuum of introversion and extroversion and people fall somewhere on that continuum and not everyone is extremely one way or the other.

I found it interesting also that not all introverts are shy and some extroverts are. It is a fascinating topic in my opinion, but then I'm an introvert and I like to understand things in great detail. Extroverts = breadth, introverts= depth.

Fascinating! All this reading and reflecting recharges me!